how the Phillies going to the world series has impacted my healing journey

Hey there! Here’s the interesting, surprising, strange, impactful way the Phillies going to the World Series has impacted my healing journey. And no, you don’t have to be a Phillies or sports fan to understand.

A bit of background to begin: I grew up outside Philadelphia – which make it basically impossible not to be a true Phillies, Eagles, and Flyers fan (76ers – meh, lol).  The Philly sports are a part of life.  They are also known to give the fans quite the emotional roller coasters of excitement, hope, loss, devastation, and all the in between. And we wouldn’t have it any other way!   

Ok – so honesty time. I haven’t watched a Phillies game, or any other sporting event team in…years?  I didn’t watch a single Phillies game this year until I saw they were going to the world series.  There are multiple “practical” reasons for this – I moved out of the Philly area, I got rid of cable so I didn’t even have access to most of the game to watch – but in all honesty – I kinda even forgot they existed.  And this was because I was in my own little trauma/chronic illness world for the past few years.

So, this is where the interesting part happened. The first healing revalation.

I heard the Phillies were going to the world series, so I decided I wanted to watch the games.

I’ll try to make a long story shorter – I immediately bought some Phillies gear (which, funny, most of it never came in time), got an antenna to stream the game, and from there, it all shifted.   I felt such an array of emotions that I hadn’t really felt in a very long time – excitement, joy, nervousness (over something that didn’t involve me), fun, playfulness, etc.  I realized I hadn’t really had access to these emotions in this way in so long.  It was eye opening to me.  See, when you’re in the “thick of it” with trauma, it’s been known that you can stop listening to music, stop engaging in activities that might bring joy or play.  Why? – because this requires a sense of safety in the body to access.  And sometimes, we might not have that.  And it’s taken me years of all different types of healing work, and the Phillies going to the world series for me to notice and access this, at least in this way.  (also a note on the music- I just started listening to music again, because I wanted to, in the past few months after years of mostly only listening to solfeggio frequency – because when you can’t get out of bed, but still “need to be doing something for healing” you turn that on.). And full circle, I was also met with emotions of guilt, shame, imposter syndrome, etc, yet my system knows those emotions well.

Ok, so that was the first major epiphany I had - the feeeelings that came through. And the fact that I could notice them, hold them, be with them, is a testament to the healing work.

And the second is:

Along with the first one, accessing these emotions, I also found myself immediately getting right back into it!  Cheering on the team, yelling at the tv, trash talking the other team haha, etc etc.  And while this was all good and fun.  I also was like WHOA!  This is also exactly like when you’re trying to heal, shift habits, some progress happens (even if it includes 1 step forward 10 steps back), then you go home and you revert right back to the role you play in the family, or with friends.  I was reminded of this because the holidays are coming up, and so many get triggered going back home, and no matter what work you have done on yourself, it can sometimes feel like nothing ever changes.  Family dynamics are one of the hardest to shift as we each have our roles.  For example, I’m the youngest of my family.  So I’m “the baby.”  And it’s so fascinating because I received an energy reading a bit over a year ago, and my guides came through saying “stop being a baby” (with love, lol) and I at first, I was like, wtf, I’m not being a baby!! (Which, that reaction immediately shows that I was, in fact, being a baby. Lol.)  Our “roles” can show up in many different areas, places, situations that we might not even realize.  So after some time and sitting with it, being curious and non-judgmental, I was able to see the ways in which I was playing the role of “the baby” and it’s something I still can find myself repeating in different ways and work through.

Ok, so what’s the point? I also had to take a moment and be like – wow, you’re acting the same exact way as you did years ago!  I feel like a completely different person now than I was the last time I watched a game (and especially the last time the phillies were in the world series – i.e. new me sipping tart cherry juice on the couch vs old me getting wasted in big crowds) So, I had to ask myself, is this how I want to show up?  Is who I want to be?   Still after all the healing work? And some things were yes, and some things were a longing for the past me, but also knew it was time to let her go.  (BTW, some of the yelling/cursing at the tv stayed – I think my competitive inner child enjoyed and had fun with that).

If you’ve read this far – thank you!  I also found it timely with the holidays coming up – if you’re going to spend time with family or friends and find yourself reverting to old ways, know that makes sense.  Be easy and gentle with yourself.  It doesn’t mean you’re “going backwards.”

And full circle – I had no idea watching the Phillies would have had such a surprising, interesting, fascinating, strange impact on my healing and revelations, but I’m so glad it did.  I didn’t realize how much I was missing these parts of myself.  I really do enjoy watching and getting into the sports, and how that all translates to other parts of my life that I’m still rediscovering.  

Oh – and when the Phillies ultimately lost the world series, seeing how the fans were immediately grateful - to have fun enjoying watching the team take the ride to the world series

 Ok, I think I’ve shared enough – I’m going to go into a vulnerability hangover cave for now – lol.

Thank you for reading. I really mean it. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if any of this resonated for you.  And wishing you to also remember the play, fun, excitement feelings with safety on your healing journey.

in healing,

Laurie